CO-HABITATING COUPLES COUNSELING

Co-Habitating Couples Counseling

couple on couch angry
Cohabitating Intake Form
In our culture, a high percentage of couples choose to live together before marriage. Studies show that over 60% of couples who live together before marriage have a higher divorce rate than couples that don't. However, many still chose to cohabitate to see "if we are compatible." I find many of these couples do love each other but still need the same EFT skills to thrive. They may even go on to marry once they learn how to nurture each other. 

David L. Jamison is a licensed therapist with specialized training in EFT. A former clergyman, he also integrates Christianity into sessions when couples agree that counseling based in Christian values and Scripture would be beneficial.

therapist taking notes
man talking to therapist woman looks upset

Do we need couples counseling?

The decision to seek couples counseling is a big step, but not one to fear. It means that you are committed to one another and want to improve your relationship.

Here are some signs that couples counseling could help:
  • Trust has been broken, either through infidelity, lying, or deceit
  • Arguments are becoming more common
  • It’s not easy to communicate and resolve conflicts
  • Physical and emotional intimacy have waned, and you feel that you’re losing your connection
  • You have experienced something tragic that has eroded your bond
  • Something just feels wrong, even though you can’t pinpoint what it is
Despite the reason for seeking counseling, it’s a positive step that will help you improve communication, create a foundation of caring and trust, and rekindle your emotional bond as a couple. 

In some instances, couples counseling can identify signs of emotional abuse or other warning signs of a toxic relationship, and your therapist can provide resources to help.

older couple looking sad and unsure

How to bring up couples counseling

If you don’t think your partner will be receptive to couples counseling, here are some ideas about how to bring it up in conversation in a non-confrontational way.
  • Be honest: Don’t be afraid to express your feelings honestly. Explain how conflict or your partner’s behavior makes you feel and why you think counseling can help.
  • Share a goal: Explain honestly what you want to accomplish in couples counseling – and listen to your partner. You’ll have a shared sense of purpose if you can agree on a goal.
  • Explain the benefits: Let your partner know that you care deeply about your relationship and that couples counseling will help you improve communication and feel more connected and intimate.
  • Emphasize this isn’t the last resort: Your partner might be resistant because he or she views counseling as a sign the relationship is failing. Be clear that this is a way to become closer and ensure a long-lasting bond.

Pre-marital Preparation

Engaged? Pre-marital counseling sessions can identify strengths and weaknesses in the relationship and help you understand what obstacles may lie ahead.

A bonus? In Minnesota, the completion of 12 hours of pre-marital counseling from a licensed professional can significantly reduce the cost of a marriage license - $40 compared to $115 without pre-marital education.

During pre-marital preparation, couples are assigned readings and homework. Psychological tests are administered, and the therapist helps each person understand issues that should be addressed now to ensure a strong, healthy, satisfying marriage that will last.
“We found Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT) doable! We've made some simple - yet big - changes in how we approach each other using new skills learned from EFT - and the changes are truly WONDERFUL! We now  have tools to approach each other, so we do not have to shut down, we can hear each other without both of us going to "kneejerk" defensive responses." - Couple-Rochester
Share by: